Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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