yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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