You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize