when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
