Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
too bad you live with your parents still
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who died my cat blue again?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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