Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
