dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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