Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He passed out mid-signature
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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