there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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