You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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