Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
