god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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