I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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