He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
