Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
