does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
