just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
