Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
