i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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