I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
