Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
