if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize