Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
