Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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