i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
