I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
