Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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