how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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