my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
