I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
True college students do jello shots in the library
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
