when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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