Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
