all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
