nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
