i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
