Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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