i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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