You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
