sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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