I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
