Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
