Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
