In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize