you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
