i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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