i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
