thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
