you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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