I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
