All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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