I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize