apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
