There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
