took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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