Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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