I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
