It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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