like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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