If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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