I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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