16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
