Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
