My friends, they love my intelligence
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
