i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
