Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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