how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
