She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
