Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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