I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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