no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
