it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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