I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
