saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
