oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
