Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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