(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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